| Date | Twat | Nominator | Reason |
|---|
| 06/03/10 | Agyness Deyn | A lost conspiracy | For ceating a sexual paradox so complex the idea of being a tranny seems almost normal to me |
| 27/02/10 | Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire | A lost conspiracy | For being as shit as the mighty boosh! |
| 20/02/10 | Gordon Brown | Tosser spotter | For pretending to be be the new Tiny Tears doll. |
| 13/02/10 | The Society of Cunts (Shit Website) | Ricardo | For turning up at a firefight with a letter opener. |
| 06/02/10 | Andy Murray | Tosser spotter | For crying after losing to Federer. The British don't cry. GET IT. |
| 30/01/10 | Jack Straw | pissbiscuit | Fo being a bend in the wind coward bastard in the face of the Iraq inquirey. This spineless bastard is once again looking after no1, what a spineless bastard this geital wart truly is. |
| 23/01/10 | Amateur Assassins | A lost conspiracy | Because they are absolute cuntspoons who havent got a clue what the word music means |
| 16/01/10 | Chris Evans | Tosser spotter | For thinking that he will ever be thought of as anything else apart from a complete leg-iron. |
| 09/01/10 | Dane Bowers | Ricardo | For getting beaten up by Liberace. |
| 02/01/10 | Two-Lips from Amsterdam | Tosser spotter | For having an explosive device with about as much fire power as a kids cap gun. |
| 26/12/09 | BIG CJ. | A lost conspiracy | For being "Fuck you ya dippo" without ALC even realising |
| 19/12/09 | Andrew"wing nut" Marr | Tosser spotter | For playing the posh schools game with Boris who had to remind Marr that he went to an exclusive Scottish private school. |
| 12/12/09 | Gordon Brown | Mr England | For stooping to childish, petty and pathetic schoolground class war namecalling. Then again this is Labour the masters of negative campaigning, smearing and name calling. Vote Labour for TOTW |
| 05/12/09 | Gorgeous Gertie | Coxy | For looking like a trod on sausage in batter. |
| 28/11/09 | THIS cunt (Another X-Factor prime wanker) | Ricardo | No explanation required. |
| 21/11/09 | Treguard | A lost conspiracy | Is there any other reason than, he is a massive twat? |
| 14/11/09 | THESE cunts. (X-Factor twinned spastics) | Ricardo | For STILL being in a supposed talent competition. |
| 07/11/09 | Philip Laing | It's the Bailiffs | Cunt student who thought it was "well funny" to piss all over a war memorial. |
| 31/10/09 | Trainspotters | Man in the Pub | because I'm completely sick of looking at any part of Katie fucking Jordan. |
| 24/10/09 | Gordon Brown | It's the Bailiffs | Why not? He hasn't won since July 08, which is a travesty. He's living on borrowed time. |
| 17/10/09 | Boyzone | Tosser spotter | For taking a holiday in Majorca at such a sensitive time. |
| 10/10/09 | Barack Obama | It's the Bailiffs | As if his God complex needs any more stroking the Nobel prize committee go and give him an award. Insufferable. |
| 03/10/09 | Captain Samosa still on the run | Tosser spotter | For becoming a Tory after the Labour Ship has sunk. |
| 25/09/09 | DSMO Server | Tosser spotter | For blowing up more often than suicide bombers in Afghanistan. |
| 19/09/09 | Speech Debelle | Mark Skids | Curdled cunt. |
| 12/09/09 | Jack Tweedy | Tosser spotter | For roasting a girl without first asking politely. |
| 05/09/09 | Daniella Westbrook | Ricardo | For taking so many drugs she turned into a leather saddle bag with tits. |
| 29/08/09 | daveishling | It's the Bailiffs | What's on the menu Dave? Don't tell me, fucking chips, you cunt!! |
| 22/08/09 | Noel Fielding | Ricardo | The logic for this: He was crowned twat of the week last week. He's every bit as much of a twat this week. He is therefore twat of the week. |
| 15/08/09 | Noel Fielding | Reza1979 | Just look at him for christ sake. Deviser of unfunny cuntfest the Mighty Boosh, made for NME reading, student wankers. |
| 08/08/09 | Captain Samosa still on the run | Ricardo | For wearing a disguise less convincing than The Elephant Man putting brylcreem in his hair and trying to pass himself off as Clark Gable. |
| 01/08/09 | George Galloway | Mr England | Smug, arrogant, pompous socialist fuckwit who did nothing but blame all the country's ills on the Tories as always. Its amazing how this utter waste of life is allowed on Question Time yet they'd never allow Nick Griffin. Galloway is the CUNT OF ALL LEFTIST CUNTS GIVE HIM YOUR VOTES. MAKE GEORGE GALLOWAY YOUR TOTW |
| 25/07/09 | Nelson Mandella | A lost conspiracy | For being the perfect walking, barely talking advert for Guiness |
| 18/07/09 | Harriet Harman | Ricardo | For thinking that discrimination against northerners is a serious problem. Spastic. |
| 11/07/09 | Gregg Valentino | Ricardo | For looking like a condom full of basketballs. |
| 04/07/09 | Chris Packham | Coxy | He's not a twat, he's a legend. |
| 27/06/09 | Michael Jackson | A lost conspiracy | For causing all the music chanels to stop playing speed metal...precious speed metal |
| 21/06/09 | Women who don't shave | A lost conspiracy | For giving Treguard a hard on |
| 13/06/09 | Caroline Flint | Tosser spotter | For playing the Gordin is a sexist card while posing for a photoshoot in the Observer. |
| 06/06/09 | The Chakrabarti Beast | A lost conspiracy | For asking Treguard to rim her arse hole good and hard |
| 30/05/09 | Lisa Riley | Morris Persil | Still alive |
| 23/05/09 | Ricardo | Ricardo | For his errrrrr............. DSMO 'clerical error'. |
| 16/05/09 | Hazel Blears | AndyNotMandy | The tap-dancing rictus grinning old cunt had the cheek to charge us £2.50 fucking pence for a Kit Kat (my twisting newsagent only has the cheek to charge 60p) and she didn#'t only have a second home - she had a fucking THIRD one - solkd it and keopt the profit, but the old trollop says she "did nothing wrong" and was "acting with the rulesW" |
| 09/05/09 | Captain Samosa still on the run | Ricardo | For fantasisng about murdering Hagen. What a supreme needle-dick. |
| 02/05/09 | Barack Obama | Tosser spotter | For being in power for 100 days and achieving nothing apart from cuddling a few of America's enemies. |
| 25/04/09 | Neil Tofu (Mr Cook'd and Bomb'd) | Ricardo | For reviewing Josie Long positively and saying in the review; "I didn't smirk at all through the first one." Good gracious, what a bellend. |
| 18/04/09 | President Obama's fucking new dog | Jack Johnson | For making his, and I quote, 'official debut'. The flea-bitten bastard's EVERYWHERE. But would you expect anything less when his owners are the POPULAR president and his POPULAR wife? Shower of shite, the lot of them. |
| 11/04/09 | Cook'd and Bomb'd | Coxy | No...YOU give ME a reason NOT to nominate them. 'k? |
| 04/04/09 | Jacqui Smith | John Leslie | Wanking is now tax deductible under NuLabour. Enough of this bitch! |
| 28/03/09 | Don Touhig | Mr England | Greedy overpaid selfish twat (like all Labour MPs) who argues MPs are 'underpaid' and demands they get to keep their exorbiant expenses. This man is as bad as 'Sir' Fred Goodwin and it is people like this idiot who are what's wrong with this country. Make this greedy bastard TOTW |
| 21/03/09 | Emma Chawners Family (From Blackburn) | John Leslie | For making the most out of life. Fat fucks. |
| 14/03/09 | The Continuity IRA | John Leslie | For not even making the grade for The Real IRA |
| 07/03/09 | Treguard | John Leslie | Back again. More jihadist ramblings from the bumline. |
| 28/02/09 | Chris Martin (Coldplay) | John Leslie | For his 10 rules of Coldplay and completely missing the point of being in a rock band. |
| 21/02/09 | Guests on DSMO | Tosser spotter | For generally acting like cocks within 10 minutes of arriving. |
| 14/02/09 | Todd Carty | Jack Johnson | He's just been spotted skating past Levi Root's Cuntibbean restaurant in St Albans. The wacky cunt. |
| 07/02/09 | Peter Mandelson | AndyNotMandy | Because he not only talks through his nose, but also his arse |
| 31/01/09 | Lauren Booth | Jack Johnson | ''FREE GAZA!'' Piss off you posh, mouthy twat. |
| 24/01/09 | Barack Obama | Jack Johnson | The birth of the cunt era. |
| 17/01/09 | These fucking riots in Britain and Europe | Jack Johnson | Take your stupid attitude and get out of OUR country. |
| 10/01/09 | Shoes and other footwear | Jack Johnson | For being the weapon of choice of the world's foremost cunts. |
| 03/01/09 | Father Christmas | stu13 | I didn't get my XBOX 360......tosser! |
| 27/12/08 | Bruce Forsyth | Ricardo | "I'm not doddery!" Fuck off Bruce, you doddery old cunt. |
| 20/12/08 | What is........ THIS? | Jack Johnson | Absolute Winker. |
| 13/12/08 | Vinnie Jones | John Leslie | The only acting he's doing lately is acting the prick. |
| 06/12/08 | The fucking CUNT Russell Brand wannabe I met on the train | Coxy | Twat of the week? Try twat A.D. |
| 29/11/08 | David van Day | Coxy | Biff Baff Boff he's a massive cunt, so Biff Baff Boff I thought I'd nom the flunt! |
| 22/11/08 | The Second Life divorce couple | Jack Johnson | Just when you thought cuntery had reached it's limit...these fuckers appear on the scene. HEINOUS. |
| 15/11/08 | sushi654 | A lost conspiracy | He is a twat, i dont think we will ever find a bigger cunt, i dare to even suggest he's a bigger cunt than madonna's service station. Now thats fucking huge, this kid should both be twat of the week for the rest of his life or burned to death |
| 08/11/08 | Barack Obama | Dunelmus | The nuclear option. For when he shit hits the fan. |
| 01/11/08 | Dunelmus | Dunelmus | A bit of self flagellation as recompense for the 'vitriolic' hate campaign towards Mr T. Reguard. |
| 18/10/08 | Treguard | Jack Johnson | He's back. |
| 11/10/08 | Treguard | Dunelmus | Why not? He clearly is one, every week, let alone this one in particular. |
| 04/10/08 | The Yemeni hackers trying to mess with this site. | A lost conspiracy | Not only did these wankers hack the site, they are close friends of a certain mr Guard. This makes them not only twat of the week, but cunt of the week, flunt of the week and Treguard of the week (that should be a new competition, where you find the most annoying Treguard-a-like and expose their wankerish ways. Anyone who is Friends with Treguard is pure evil |
| 26/09/08 | J K Rowling | Jack Johnson | She gave A MILLION POUNDS to the labour fucking party. She is truly is living in Harry Potter land. CUNT. |
| 20/09/08 | Treguard | Dunelmus | This small penised pratt has once again filled our site with boring shite. But what else has he done? He invited some of his 'multiculti' friends on here and tried to turn a comedy site into a third world, lets big up the Arabs and kick Israelis site. Well, no one likes him either. His head is melon shaped, he is a retard and should leave it all at the door when he comes on here! |
| 14/09/08 | Halima Aziz | Jack Johnson | Enough said. |
| 06/09/08 | Alistair Darling | Jack Johnson | No shit. You and your cuntish friends are the fucking cause of the worst UK economic crisis in 60 years. Absolute cunt. |
| 30/08/08 | 2012 Olympics | Tosser spotter | For this video. My case rests. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/olympics/london_2012/7577999.stm |
| 23/08/08 | Harriet Harman | Ricardo | For trying to sneak a law through while nobody was looking, that stops MP's ridiculous expenses piss-taking being made available for public viewing. What a disgraceful cunt she is. |
| 16/08/08 | 'Boob'- Coxy's local CSO | Coxy | Useless, posing, stick-thin flunt. |
| 09/08/08 | Calvin FUCKING Harris | Jack Johnson | Getting Dizzie Rascunt to no.1. You UTTER fuckstick. |
| 02/08/08 | Harriet Harman | A lost conspiracy | I think that the fact she’s appeared in TOTW so many weeks in a row is enough to suggest she is a twat, but that’s if you discount the fact that she is a megacunt, definitely the twat of the week this week you fucking Gnu |
| 26/07/08 | Treguard | Jack Johnson | PLEASE. STOP WITH THE ZIONIST CRAP! |
| 19/07/08 | Banksy | Jack Johnson | 34-year-old former public school pupil called Robin Gunningham. TRES CUNT. |
| 12/07/08 | Gordon Brown | Jack Johnson | One word: Heathcliff. |
| 05/07/08 | Jay Z | Jack Johnson | He's awesome, don't you know. |
| 28/06/08 | Harriet Harman | Constantasthenorthernstar | For bestowing upon the UK the quaint notion that to be anti-discriminatory, you must single out white males and discriminate against them. I object to this woman, I object to the fact that she looks like a cross between a donkey on Skeggy beach and a dungaree clad dyke from a Council estate and gets to make up idiotic, divisive shit like this, and gets paid for it. |
| 21/06/08 | Fern Britton | nicholas picholas | For pretending to lose lard by stuffing cardboard ryvitas into her droopy fat face,when really she was a big fat liar who took the easy way out,silly old moo. |
| 14/06/08 | BBC | Jack Johnson | Up to their usual bias leftie bollocks business. Up against the wall. |
| 07/06/08 | Signature | Jack Johnson | a) They're utter fafucks b) They lost the BGT final to a little boy. |
| 31/05/08 | Gordon Brown | Jack Johnson | ''Shared values...clear vision...way ahead...best man for the job...getting on with the job...strong goverment...'' |
| 24/05/08 | The Police Force | Mr England | Threatening to strike yet again over their undeserved payrise. They treat the public like shit like the arrogant patronising bullies they are then expect to be rewarded. |
| 17/05/08 | Alistair Darling | Tosser spotter | For trying to make us beleieve his climb down on the 10p tax bracket is a general tax cut to help the Uk. |
| 10/05/08 | Ken Livingstone | Dunelmus | Well, this is DSMO and we like to kick a man, especially when he is both a) as odious as this and b) see a, but when he's down. So in honour of the cunt being drop kicked into the pages of history, I submit to you, DSMO's Twat of the Week. Newt. |
| 03/05/08 | Cook'd and Bomb'd | Tosser spotter | For thinking we give a fuck. |
| 26/04/08 | Prince William | Tosser spotter | For using a Chinook as a personal toy while pretending to be on a training exercise. |
| 19/04/08 | Heather Mills | Tosser spotter | For getting ready to hire PR guru Elliot Mintz to improve her image in the US. He is the one responsible for making Paris Hilton a houslehold name. I wonder how long it will be before the illicit bedroom video leaks out? |
| 12/04/08 | Captain Samosa still on the run | Dunelmus | Surely this shit beats the other kunt... Surely... |
| 05/04/08 | Princess Diana | Tosser spotter | For costing us £7m in inquest costs for not doing up her seat belt. |
| 29/03/08 | David Beckham | Mr England | Got his 100th cap, big deal, and then proved what a s**te player he really is |
| 22/03/08 | Steve-O | Jack Johnson | He nears kills himself on a daily basis on his grotty Jackass show but when he really tries to do it he goes ahead and disappoints everyone. Useless Twat. |
| 15/03/08 | Nick Clegg | Dunelmus | What a f*cking joke this man was at his conference. Another political leader who had a privileged upbringing and has never been poor or been up against the odds. Also, hopefully he can be given three shoeings on DSMO in one week - result. |
| 08/03/08 | Prince Harry | Mr England | For taking up a rainforest worth of paper with the ridiculous amount of overexposure his stupid story has been given. I don't care as do many other people. We want proper news. |
| 01/03/08 | Jack Black | Ricardo | Because, by rights he would be Twat of the Week every single bloody week. What a kunt he is. |
| 23/02/08 | Ben Fogle | Sanitys Last Hope | For having to sit through his show which is one of the biggest pile of anus since cheggers got his cock out on that other shit show. His fraudulent fake phony pap show and his narrow oval face needs a sever kicking of robbie william proportions. |
| 16/02/08 | Madonna | Ricardo | For having such a huge pussy. |
| 09/02/08 | Derek Conway | Tosser spotter | For still stating that he doesn't think he's done anything wrong |
| 02/02/08 | Ashley Cole | Dunelmus | Where to start? Being a greedy, money grabbing footballer. For having the sham marriage to cover up that Geordie bints racism, for the mobile phone ordeal and for his spew mid-shag. Prize A example of why this country is shit. |
| 26/01/08 | Peter Hain | Jack Johnson | For being a 103,000% twat. |
| 19/01/08 | Paul Burrell | Tosser spotter | For pretending in court he still has secrets to tell. If he had any secrets left he would have sold them years ago. |
| 12/01/08 | Cook'd and Bomb'd | Tosser spotter | For planning an invasion and only coming equipped with lentils and a cheese board. |
| 05/01/08 | Lord Reaper | Ricardo | For being Sanity. |
| 29/12/07 | Blake Fielder-Civil | Tosser spotter | For failing a drugs test in prison. Why do we waste our time with these perpetual losers? |
| 22/12/07 | Keith Vaz MP | Mr England | He wrote a piece in the MoS today calling for overpaid coppers to get their undeserved payrise. Why is it when it is truly underpaid and undervalued nurses who give a much more valuable contribution to society than the Police are denied a payrise nobody bats an eyelid and then when its the police, there is an outcry. It is scandalous. I hate to agree with Labour but Jacqui Smith; Stick to your guns!!! Don't give in to the overpaid w**kers |
| 15/12/07 | Ed Balls | Tosser spotter | He's just announced his Children's plan which is meant to guide children through the difficult years and recognise the fact that things have changed and parents now have to both work and work longer. Look here Blinky if it wasn't for your cocking party pushing taxes through the roof and wasting it the parents wouldn't have to work all hours and could spend a bit of time with their kids. Every policy you come up with is like putting a bit of icing sugar on a bit of dog sh*t and expecting us not to notice it still tastes a bit off. You are the problem not the frigging solution, now f*ck off back to your mamma boy. |
| 08/12/07 | Noel Fielding | Ricardo | No Reason Required. |
| 01/12/07 | Tony Blair | Ricardo | After f*cking up the country for a decade and then scarpering, the cretin has run out of Earthly beings to blame for his shortcomings. No problem though, the ever resourceful bastard has found the ultimate scapegoat - God. Shameless bastard. |
| 24/11/07 | Chris Langham | Tosser spotter | For trying to convince us he's not a nonce. |
| 17/11/07 | Johnny Rotten | vitriol | "I hate Rock Dinosaurs", was his famous outburst in 1977. "Anyone seen my truss?" He not-so-famously uttered to one of his nurses at another recent Sex Pistols come-back gig. Wänker. |
| 10/11/07 | 'Sir' Ian Blair | Tosser spotter | For not realising his time has come. We don't care if this knob is responsible for shooting people at random or not we just want him out for being a new labour sucking knob, tara chubby
|
| 03/11/07 | David Beckham | Mr England | For being nominated Most 'Masculine' Man on the planet in some stupid poll, obviously voted for by idiots. He is not the slightest big masculine, he is the biggest feminine wuss going, please vote and give him an award he truly deserves. He was also named 'Most Powerful Man under 40' as well, what a crock of s**t. |
| 27/10/07 | Gordon Brown | Jack Johnson | Did anyone see him standing to the national anthem at the Rugby? Luciano Pavarkunti who sold your pensions. |
| 20/10/07 | This Country's Stupid Obsession With Sports | Mr England | Went to my mate's house last night with the boring dull as dishwater Rugby World Cup on. Everyone was going mental (literally) everytime something happened. I just don't get it. Don't get me wrong rugby is certainly more of a sport than football (not as money-focused) but I just don't get why this country is so obsessed with boring sports. |
| 13/10/07 | Gordon Brown | Ricardo | For smugly planning to call a snap election and then getting nuked by the Bicycling Bellend in a masterstroke at the Tory conference. And then having the cheek to pretend he isn't going to do it for OUR sakes. What a f*cking Clitoris. |
| 06/10/07 | Ian Huntley | Mr England | For trying to take the coward's way out yet again. The fact that he seems to suffer by being kept alive might hopefully make him think about what he did, forever |
| 29/09/07 | Michael Palin | Jimmy Vespa | Stop dyeing your hair man, you're 64 and it looks daft. |
| 22/09/07 | OJ Simpson | Mark Skids | For thinking that he's untouchable and getting into hot water agian with various law enforcement agentcies. Armed robbery this time Fer F*cksakes. Give it up you doughnut. |
| 15/09/07 | Britney Spears | Tosser spotter | For dancing at the MTV awards like a 14 year old listening to her new "Now 67" album. |
| 08/09/07 | JODIE MARSH | vitriol | Could her "marriage" be construed as date rape? Surely no man would want to sleep with this hooverbag full of stale spunk, let alone "marry" it, unless the were give copious amounts of Rohypnol? |
